True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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