Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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