So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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