remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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