Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
