If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
