my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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