My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
