You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
