oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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