Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Small penises have feelings too.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
