Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
