The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
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So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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