I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
