problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
