Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
