who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Every concussion has its silver lining
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize