I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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