Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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