Texts From Last Night

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  (705): View more from Ontario

  he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me

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  (705): he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me http://tfl.nu/ycl5
  Replies (2) Good night (847) Bad night (1674)
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  (310): View more from California

  ...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.

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  (310): ...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have. http://tfl.nu/9vj6
  Replies (53) Good night (1016) Bad night (4580)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  You should get more absorbent shoes.

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  (864): I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe. (1-864): You should get more absorbent shoes. http://tfl.nu/rrfm
  Replies (13) Good night (3327) Bad night (812)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.

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  (206): My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'. http://tfl.nu/39kt
  Replies (10) Good night (5086) Bad night (1003)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.

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  (802): Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle. http://tfl.nu/jhbj
  Replies (7) Good night (3091) Bad night (1595)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd

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  (815): The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd http://tfl.nu/v8gr
  Replies (7) Good night (2998) Bad night (1093)
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  (626): View more from California

  im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.

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  (626): im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again. http://tfl.nu/ai0s
  Replies (6) Good night (1126) Bad night (2262)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me

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  (513): Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me http://tfl.nu/vfre
  Replies (13) Good night (3419) Bad night (1793)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"

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  (701): Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro" http://tfl.nu/ltp9
  Replies (3) Good night (2186) Bad night (1086)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.

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  (540): Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms. http://tfl.nu/tg48
  Replies (16) Good night (3496) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.

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  (510): This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland. http://tfl.nu/6qxu
  Replies (7) Good night (907) Bad night (1297)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents

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  (802): Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents http://tfl.nu/oucv
  Replies (9) Good night (1967) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Slow dancing with the chandelier.

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  (828): Slow dancing with the chandelier. http://tfl.nu/w34r
  Replies (4) Good night (1195) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.

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  (515): I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes. http://tfl.nu/92xn
  Replies (14) Good night (1891) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.

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  (316): Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in. http://tfl.nu/p4v5
  Replies (0) Good night (491) Bad night (335)

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