i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.