You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
They took my balls.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.