Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper