hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.