Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children