Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
