Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
