You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
