Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
