I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
