I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
