I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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