I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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