a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
