i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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