Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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