I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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