I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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