I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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