Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
