I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
