Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
