The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
