I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize