how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
