alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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