so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
