you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
