Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
