Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
