Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Michael Bay diarrhea
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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