PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
