im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
