I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
