the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
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Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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