The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
