I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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