Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
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