A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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