I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
