ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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