my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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