Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
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The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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