things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
