You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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