How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
