yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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