dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
