you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
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I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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