I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize