"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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