I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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