i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
