Acid is not a monday night drug
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
