Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
