I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
they need to just BURY HIM!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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