I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
