Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
