I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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