I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
