Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just want nice things and good sex
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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