my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
