i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
